It's Been Awhile

I know you the reader (not readers' since I can't see more than one of you out there actually reading this blog) haven't heard from old Dave here in a minute. I know, I know, you're right, I have been slacking. Well, to be honest, I became bored with trying to think of ideas to write about and maintaining this blog, but in reality my attention became diverted when I became infatuated with making stop motion romance stories with my authentic 80's My Little Pony collection. This went on all summer up to about two days ago, when abruptly my budding film career came to a crashing halt when when my sister held my ponies hostage and executed them one by one by melting them with a magnifying glass. Worse part is, I don't even have a sister, so what the hell was she burning my ponies for anyways?

Zombies going Apeshit

This all brings me back to the present, as I sit here in my Rapture Bunker, which by the way, a complete waste of money being that two raptures transpired and I have not yet seen a single zombie, unless of course I'm talking about Christmas shoppers shopping away helping big name department stores meet their sale quotas (spend, spend, spend, my little piggies). Secondly, my sister (by the way, a total bitch) whom I don't actually have, was able to get into my bunker and burn my precious pony babies. So writing this blog is all I have left since my money has all been spent on this bunker, film equipment for a failed film career, and the pony burn hospital bill that I'm still paying off.

As I looked into Starlights (my favorite pony) eyes as she was succumbing to her burn injuries, I decided to take back my life and continue writing my blog in her honor, all the while continuing to tweet away like any lonely individual just wanting to be heard. Although I won't be able to comb Starlights gorgeous mane any longer, I did promise her mother, who by the way is the owner of the Rainbow Beauty Salon in Coltonville, Ponyland, that I shall honor Starlight's memory by continuing this shitty blog. At least now since it's so close to Christmas, it simply means one less pony gift I have to buy.

Studio Bunker

So as I nestle in my Rapture Bunker, with the remains of the rest of my burnt ponies from Ponyland smoldering in the fire place, I've begun to look forward to next year and trying my best to keep up with this blog up even if it is only once or twice a week. Also, since I have less ponies because of my bitch sister, I may sell my current Rapture Bunker and move into a studio Rapture Bunker to save money and space since like I said, I have less ponies now, but ever since seeing Charlie Browns Christmas special last week I have been sleeping on the roof like Snoopy.

I would definitely have to say I have to give Thanks to Chris Renter, Jason Baker as well as Ryan Schrader (also a blog writer at: www.botscast.com) for getting me back in front of a computer and hammering out this first of many terrible blog posts. Cheers me old Chinas!

My Rapture Bunker

Not my actual Craigslist Bunker, but you get the idea

Okay, it's been awhile since I have written, but I had been preparing for the rapture like any person who doesn't believe in this crap by going about business as usual. It's been 5 days since this shit was suppose to go down and my mangina is having a fissy fit because it and I are still roaming about New York City. I have to tell you that I feel slightly cheated since I went about purchasing a rapture bunker on Craigslist and now I have to potentially wait until October to get use it.

As I scoured Craigslist in search of my bunker, which by way is now collecting dust, I began to ponder the validity of the situation. How did they know back in the day about pacific standard time when most who roamed the earth believed it to be flat? (I mostly likely haven't a clue about what I'm talking about, nor do I care.) I would have to imagine that if the rapture were to go down, it would have to be 6pm in the middle east (all that bible talk happened there, no?), considering that America had yet to be discovered. None of that matters because my contemplation turned into giddiness having found the perfect bunker listing for the right price.

Not actual Zombies,
but close enough for 
the sake of humor

I suppose that being raptured would have been cool and all, but so is chilling out in a bunker preparing to slay zombies (braaiiiinnsss) as I watch the cable I'm stealing from the bunker next to mine (up until that time Oprah was still on TV, can't miss that). Seriously though, would I want to be high above the clouds with all of those goody too-shoes, or would I want to be roving the land with a posse of zombie killers ready to slice and dice? (By the way, the bunker only fits about 8 and so my posse is kind of small, I only had so much bunker money to spend). I really hoped to peer out it's windows and watch people float into the sky as I shoot at them like clay pigeons.

Nom, nom, nom

Well, since you are reading this, then you know ye old rapture never unfolded. I was actually having a beer when the clock struck 6pm and at that point was oblivious to the rapture that was not taking place. Basically, I now have bunker for the new and improved upcoming end of the world, which takes place this october (I hope all of those pb&j's that I made don't go bad), thus giving me plenty of time to revamp my posse list, so you better be nice to me (now that Oprah's show is no more she is off the list, so you're now on it Chris Rentner @thepipebit).

Now that summer has arrived reader, go out and enjoy yourself, but bear in mind that you should make the most of the summer because October will not be too far behind and so you better be prepared. Don't come crying on my bunker door when a gang of bible thumpers zombies come running after you to drag you into the afterlife. No pb&j's for you, I say good day.

Hmmm?

I should probably at some point get back to writing this blog a few times a week huh?