My Rapture Bunker

Not my actual Craigslist Bunker, but you get the idea

Okay, it's been awhile since I have written, but I had been preparing for the rapture like any person who doesn't believe in this crap by going about business as usual. It's been 5 days since this shit was suppose to go down and my mangina is having a fissy fit because it and I are still roaming about New York City. I have to tell you that I feel slightly cheated since I went about purchasing a rapture bunker on Craigslist and now I have to potentially wait until October to get use it.

As I scoured Craigslist in search of my bunker, which by way is now collecting dust, I began to ponder the validity of the situation. How did they know back in the day about pacific standard time when most who roamed the earth believed it to be flat? (I mostly likely haven't a clue about what I'm talking about, nor do I care.) I would have to imagine that if the rapture were to go down, it would have to be 6pm in the middle east (all that bible talk happened there, no?), considering that America had yet to be discovered. None of that matters because my contemplation turned into giddiness having found the perfect bunker listing for the right price.

Not actual Zombies,
but close enough for 
the sake of humor

I suppose that being raptured would have been cool and all, but so is chilling out in a bunker preparing to slay zombies (braaiiiinnsss) as I watch the cable I'm stealing from the bunker next to mine (up until that time Oprah was still on TV, can't miss that). Seriously though, would I want to be high above the clouds with all of those goody too-shoes, or would I want to be roving the land with a posse of zombie killers ready to slice and dice? (By the way, the bunker only fits about 8 and so my posse is kind of small, I only had so much bunker money to spend). I really hoped to peer out it's windows and watch people float into the sky as I shoot at them like clay pigeons.

Nom, nom, nom

Well, since you are reading this, then you know ye old rapture never unfolded. I was actually having a beer when the clock struck 6pm and at that point was oblivious to the rapture that was not taking place. Basically, I now have bunker for the new and improved upcoming end of the world, which takes place this october (I hope all of those pb&j's that I made don't go bad), thus giving me plenty of time to revamp my posse list, so you better be nice to me (now that Oprah's show is no more she is off the list, so you're now on it Chris Rentner @thepipebit).

Now that summer has arrived reader, go out and enjoy yourself, but bear in mind that you should make the most of the summer because October will not be too far behind and so you better be prepared. Don't come crying on my bunker door when a gang of bible thumpers zombies come running after you to drag you into the afterlife. No pb&j's for you, I say good day.