The Oscars

Oscars Grouch, Wilde and Mayer

Last night, the Oscars, considered to be one of the most, if not thee prestigious movie award ceremonies in the galaxy was shown live on TV last evening. Galaxy I say, since the universe revolves around Hollywood, right? That is why we call them "stars", no? The Oscar is basically an award for people who have performed their really job really well, while providing entertainment the masses.

An Actors job, similar to a coke dealers job, is providing entertainment for people. Both have potential to earn vast amounts of income, the difference being an actors body of work is captured on film, while a coke dealers work is captured as residue on money. The coke dealer when busted normally will be locked away for a long time, where the actor can normally buy their way out of jail time, ironically with money that most likely has coke residue on it. It seems like in Charlie Sheen's case, the actor and dealer can not live without the other almost forming a symbiotic relationship, this is not the case with all actors, just some.

The Oscar Fish

Actors prance around pretending to be someone they aren't in a world of make believe. This is why they justly deserve to be awarded unlike a doctor, who day in and day out, possibly save the lives of a few people now and then in a very real world. Even soldiers in combat, fighting a war I may not agree with, deserve to be paid more, soldiers' put their lives on the line while in the face of danger (audience claps).

The most absurd thing about the Oscars, coverage of the red carpet. Really? Does it matter what any "star" is wearing? Ahem, is this microphone on? Yes, the actors look great, which is why they are graded from A to F on yahoo, but the red carpet shouldn't about designers. This isn't New York fashion week. Focus people (clap, clap), this should be about the movies. I think people should be more concerned about themselves, families and friends, these are the people who give you the shirt off their back in times of need, not some movie star smiling on a carpet the color of blood.

Oscar de la Hoya

Don't get me wrong though, I enjoy watching movies just like the next person. I'm simply ranting so I have something to write about this afternoon. Yes, I do believe actors are over paid in the same manner than an athlete is over paid to run around in tight pants playing with balls, not that there is anything wrong with playing with balls. Acting and creating a movie is definitely a craft which is why the creme de la creme are awarded as such. I couldn't act my way out of a paper bag and surely do not possess any type of skill to make a movie so I must congratulate all of the losers for not winning because even though they didn't walk out that little statue, they are still awesome.

I am just happy the movie of the year was not a remake.

#FroggerNYC

This is actually a post that I had posted yesterday, but due to my stupidity, I lost the entire thing. I lost the draft, the post, and the images I used, so I've had to go and rewrite it as best as i could remember, and so here it is, once again, for your reading enjoyment.

An overhead view of my ride to work

Cycling to work at times or anywhere can be a hair raising experience, especially when you are living in the Capital of the world. At various times, it reminds me of the 80's arcade game Frogger. Each day I ride represents another level of the game. It's almost like Ground Hog Day, where I continue to relive the same day over and over. Poor Frogger has to dodge obstacles while on his way from point A to point B, and so too does the NYC cyclist. Even though NYC is becoming a safer place to ride, even as the days are pushing us toward our impending doom in 2012 (thanks myan calendar, you're such a downer), we still have to deal with obstacles in our own real life game of Frogger, and although I am not a frog, I do occasionally look like one as I am pedaling down the street.

The Taxi Cab

One of the most dangerous characters to look out for in this game is the Taxi cab. Off the bike, the taxi can be your friend, taking you home late at night when you're too drunk and don't have the patience to wait for the train, but while on your bike, the taxi has great potential to kill you. They regard the rules in the same manner that pirates observe the pirate code, more like a set of guidelines than actual rules, and they are more than willing to parlay with your life. The taxi will without any given notice, pull into the bike lane ahead of you and instantly open its door like the claw of a crab. The taxi will then proceed to release its clutch of passengers, spilling them into the street causing you to swerve out into traffic or into a parked car to avoid collision with them. The cabbie will then look at you, smugly roll his window up, and quickly speed away in his banana colored car with beaded seat cover, leaving you to inhale his exhaust fumes. Hey taxi, nice dice on your rearview mirror.

The Delivery Man

Now the delivery man, happens to be one of the more dirtier players in the game, partly because he himself is a cyclist. Normally, he can be seen on a mountain bike, but lately as China becomes a world super power, they can be more frequently seen coasting around on electric steeds. Delivery man has a job to perform and nothing is going to stop him from acheiving his goal of delivering that hot pizza in 30 minutes or less. I can't blame him though, like a momma bird regurgetating food for  her babies, so too does the delivery man have a flock of mouths to feed. He will come out of no where, cutting you or anyone off while riding on the sidewalk. He will display no concern as he travels the opposite way up any street or bike lane, so beware of him. Sometimes, I won't even notice him coming at me until he's almost on top of me. Please delivery man, attach some lights on your bike, I can't see you in the dark.

Notice the blank stare of the pedestrian

The Pedestrian

The third and final character that I will write about today, is the pedestrian. What makes the pedestrian scary is they possess characteristics of both the taxi and the delivery man. The pedestrian is slow like a turtle, but will freeze up like a deer in headlights when you are moving towards them, Even if it would be fun to run over them, I would never intentionally hurt any pedestrian, though at times I may have thought about it (almost like how motorists wish to run over cyclists). They will pop out of no where like a whack a mole, right into your damn path making you either swerve into traffic like the taxi does, or forcing you samsh into the back of a parked car. As if the lane is an extension of the sidewalk, they will stand smack dab in middle of the bike lane as they wait for the light to change. They become very snarky when you ask them to watch out as you ride in the very place you are suppose to be. You know pedestrian, we wouldn't interact as much if you followed the rules like you would like me to do.

Those are just a couple of things cyclists encounter living in their own game of Frogger. There are many other things I can bring to light such as pot holes, ice, homeless people, snakes on a plane and garbage trucks that can join in for game time. Oh, and don't forget to add cops to this ever growing list, but I will definitely wait for another time to write about them, they probably deserve their own post.

Wow, another level/day draws to a close. I have made it safely back to my lily pad, having dodged cars, delivery men, and pedestrians. I have crossed the river and can now relax. I may have lowered my power level on occasion by being involved in minor accidents, but I have yet to loose my life and restart the game (yes, I know we can't hit restart after we die). And so I look forward to waking up and playing the game all over again tomorrow.

Riding over the Willy B, Part I

Photo from: http://www.nyc.gov/

As I sit on my sofa, I am forced to listen to my landlords spawn run rampant in their apartment above me. Every night when I return home from a long day this scenario will play out at least until 9:30 at which point I believe they go to bed. As they toss out the window any concern about whether their noise bothers me, I begin to think about my day's ride home from work.

My commute for the most part is relatively flat, except for when it comes to the Williamsburg Bridge which happens to span the East river. The Williamsburg, though not as famous as the Brooklyn bridge, basks in its own awesomeness as it connects Hipsterburg to Manhattan. The view while crossing the bridge to Manhattan or neighboring Brooklyn are an amazing site to behold, not unlike the awesome parade that happens ever year over in the West Village.

Photo from: http://www.untitledname.com

Wooo, double walk path all the way across the sky, I mean bridge. (see what I did there?). One path is for cycling, the other for pedestrians, although the walkers prefer to use the bike path while listening to the hottest band I will never hear of in headphones made from unicorn horn. Also, there are people who will spread out taking up the entire width of the paths while walking over the bridge, but I'll leave them out of this.

Many a PBR swiller travels over the bridge to and from the city, skip hopping on their track bikes to their barista, or arty type jobs. I honestly haven't a clue where they work, but for the sake of this blog, they are all baristas. To be honest, I too, am guilty of skip hopping down the bridge on my way to my deluxe half cubicle in the sky (not so Good Times). Though I can easily lump myself into the same group as the swiller, I am but chunky and also drink a higher quality of beer (to each their own). We all have messenger bags slung over our shoulders, but there are actually very few us out making deliveries. Maybe, it's times for backpack.

Night time, I usually can fly over the bridge, mornings not so much. In the a.m., I possess neither the energy or the desire to quickly go up the steep Brooklyn side of the bridge. I used to enjoy trying to pass people on the bridge, but screw that. I'm not a road or alleycat racer. I don't wear a king of the mountain jersey nor do I collect UCI points. I'm not being paid to pass a person who isn't even aware they are loosing a race that is transpiring only in the chasm of my mind. This means I'll never stand on a podium and spray champagne at reporters. I'll leave that to the Ivan Bassos and  Cavendishs' of the world. (By the way, I totally love watching cycling races, which is why I know those two names).

Photo by: Daniel Schtwen via wiki 

Even though I try my hardest not to race, it still remains enjoyable ride over the bridge, especially at this time year. There are not too many people who ride in extreme cold weather, because it can suck worse than a surprise drug test you know you're about to fail, and so, many people avoid winter cycling. I can still enjoy stealing glimpses of people riding the JMZ, knowing the MTA is about to make them late for work. The auto congestion on the bridge gives me satisfaction as well, as I know I can get to the light at the bottom and be on my way before cars can finish a top 100 commercial break. These are just a couple things that keep my mind off my burning thighs as I muscle my way over the bridge. Oh, the joy.



And so goes another trip across the bridge. To be continued....

Cycling to work

My bike waiting for me to finish work.

I came to the realization that riding my bike to work is like eating dinner, but in reverse. I don't mean the obvious, in which riding to work occurs in the morning and dinner takes place in the evening. I mean work is like brussel sprouts, you must eat them and finish your plate before you can move onto dessert. To me, Cycling is my dessert, and work represents the sprouts on the plate I don't care to finish. Basically, I eat my dessert and then have to sit at my desk and stare for eight hours at a plate that I don't want to eat.

Currency is needed pay to bills whether it's rent, or supporting a hobby like bicycling. And so, sitting at a desk (or dinner plate for 8 hours), being told what to do by people you would never consider speaking to or noticing in everyday life, is just something we all have to do in order to succeed. And, so we trudge along Monday to Friday in a repetitive fashion so we can pay those bills and support our habits, which for me is my bicycle.

Then again, you could very well be one of the inhabitants of Williamsburg, who enjoy dessert all day long living off a trust fund or off their parents, while galavanting around in tight pants thinking they're some amazing artist, playing kick ball in the park. Unlike them, I'm too fat and not able to wear skinny girl pants like those hipsters and not look bad (although guys in girl jeans look bad no matter what), and so I have to roll my pants leg up while I ride to work. Incidentally, I would trade places with any one of them for any given summer just be able to skip dinner and eat dessert (riding my bike) all day.

So flip the coin now if you will. It's now the end of the day, I have written a pointless blog and I have worked hard. Now, I have all evening to eat dessert, or in this case ride my bike. How lovely is that? It wasn't all that bad. Of course, it's only Wednesday and so the process repeats all over again tomorrow, but at least I can ride my bike to and from work.

Face covered to protect the innocent
Notice the needle?

On a side note...
I know that people in other countries eat things that Americans do not. Hey, who am I to judge. I am very sure that I eat things that other people would find disgusting. This morning, as I was walking my girlfriends dog like I normally do, a gentlemen (who in this case looks like he would eat strange things, as well as hail from a country where their gymnasts lie about their age at the Olympics) walked past me staring at the dog. I thought to myself "Man, this guy's looking at my dog as if she looks delicious?" Is it wrong for me to think this way, or have I just seen too many things on television that I can not unsee?

Candy Bars and the Knicks

Car(a)mel(l)o

Since I live in the Rotten Apple I suppose I should be ecstatic about the Knicks signing Carmelo. As reality has it, basketball does not capture my attention in the least bit. Though, now when I hear Carmelo's name, instantly I crave Caramello's. Caramello's are those succulent Chocolate candy bars filled with chewy caramel. Caramello's should not be mistaken for Carmelo, who incidentally, not filled with caramel, but with blood, organ, and bones, like a hunter's garbage can after he has gutted a deer and thrown away the entrails, but both I assume are of equal chocolatey goodness.

I will say, New York is a large city. I'll even go as far and say that according to wiki, Gotham is the most populated city in the United States. So it's about time Gotham has the calibre of a player like a Kobe beef or a Shake Shaq dribbling that orange ball up and down the lane for the Knicks. For this, I extend a congratulation to New York!

As all this excitement over a basketball player whose name conjures thoughts and cravings for the before mentioned candy bar, New York continues to trudge through a rough winter. Today's no different, it's literally 17 degrees outside and this really makes me wonder why any of us would continue to live this far north. I guess we all have our own reasons: the culture, the night life, job opportunities, running from the law, too broke to move out of the city etc...

Since the snow has finally melted from the blast we received the day after Xmas, I have continued to ride my bicycle everywhere. Is riding my bike a love, or an addiction? I definitely love riding my bike. On the other hand (it would be my right hand since I'm left handed), could say I am addicted to riding, not in a Charlie Sheen addicted to coke and hookers addiction, but in way where you just have to do it because it just makes you feel good (though that sounds similar to a coke and hooker addiction). Plus, as we all know, you don't have to deal with tardiness of the MTA. Besides, it's enjoyable, to watch the city wake up as you ride to work, as opposed to being stuffed inside a cattle car like box, knowing you will most likely wind up late for work.

Like I said, people are addicted to various things. Like I mentioned before, I am addicted to riding my bike and Charlie Sheen is addicted to hookers and coke. Some people (as am I), are addicted to chocolate. Chocolate is considered an aphrodisiac. Now, as I satisfy one addiction by cycling work every morning, I will also satisfy, not only my chocolate addiction by eating a Caramello, but I will think of Carmelo and the Knicks as well.

And so as winter rolls forward, I will ride my bike and more New Yorkers will be watching more basketball because of the newly acquired addition of Carmelo. Everyone will be happy, well except for those people riding the MTA who will most likely be late for work.

Brrr, Saturday, you were cold.

Ahh, Winter, old friend, you have returned once more. I knew that everyone (myself included), joyous over the Spring like weather, were about to have our realities reintroduced to us. See, it's still February and we still have at least another month and a half of winter ahead of us. We still have March marching towards us and sometimes, actually most times, this is not a good thing, since March is one of the coldest months of the year.

This past Saturday, indeed Winter returned in all it's glory. The wind, strong enough to push a boat crafted from an old Volkswagon from Cuba to the sandy shores of freedom known as Florida in one mighty blow, blew upon us all day long. This wind created tiny tornado's of trash that twisted itself down the streets of Greenpoint in amazing fashion, spreading itself about to only beautify the neighborhood that much more. This scenario made the bike ride from my house over the Williamsburg bridge into the East Village even more enjoyable, though I complete my journey unscathed.

As the sun set and day faded into the night, so too did the temperature drop only making being outside that more unbearable. After eating Ramen and traveling to Whole Foods with my girlfriend, we slowly navigated our way back towards her home. On the way back we stumbled upon a group of girls not from the city, but from Jersey. I knew they were from Jersey simply because the tags on their car stated they hailed from the garden state.

There is nothing wrong with traveling to the city to enjoy an evening out on the town, even if you traveled via bridge or tunnel, my friends from Long Island do this all of the time. What amazed me about seeing these girls was that even in 20 degree weather, with the wind blowing as it was, these girls were in mini skirts and high heels. I was amazed at these girls, because even if I was nuts, which I am sure I am at least semi nuts, I would never be able to walk around like that. I don't mean walk around in skirts, I mean I would never be able to walk around in this weather with my legs exposed.

This made me realize how badly people want Spring to arrive. Trust me, Spring will arrive, just not as quickly as we would like it to arrive. I think people are simply fed up with winter, and like an ex lover that continues to cling to you after you have broken up with them, we just want winter to move on and find happiness elsewhere. So people, please stay warm, and Spring will be here shortly.

Winter's hidden gems

Picture via http://www.mommygoggles.com

I am a dog walker, in as much that when I am at my girlfriend's house I walk her dog. As I walk the love my girlfriend's life (which isn't me by the way), I tend to look at the ground a lot since my girlfriends dog is small. I would say she is small as in the size of a chihuahua is small. I have noticed, along with the Gothamist, that as the snow melts away from December's post Christmas snow dusting, many a things are being uncovered.

As Zeus released the Krakken, so too as the snow has melted, released hidden gems buried beneath it's white fluffiness that's now covered in filth and grim. It reveals that people are more dirtier than a sow rolling around in it's own feces. Garbage, a glove now missing it's significant other, and used heroin needles are just a few of things that you will find under the melting snow.

What gets to me most about whats being discovered under the snow, is that when it snows, people forego picking up after their pets. As embarrassing as it can be, I will pick up after my girlfriends dog after she does her business. Not only do I want people not to step in it, but it's the law to pick up after your dog. No one wants to step in doggy deposits, and I'm sure this includes those who don't remove their own dog's deposits from the streets. Don't the soles of peoples shoes suffer enough?

It's almost as if people will let their dogs do their business and then simply brush their pets deposit under nature's winter carpet of snow. This is just disrespectful to the people around you, like when Urban Athelete's go to the Turkey's Nest, then leave their styrofoam cups littered about McCarren park after an adult game of kickball. Better yet, like when someone is eating Mc Donald's on the subway and then simply tosses their garbage under the seat. I'm sure they frown at people doing these things, so why do it themselves?

I would love to ask everyone, if you are going to own a pet, take responsibility and clean up after your pet. Karma is like a woman, in that she will take something that you did, store it away in her mind for months, maybe even years, and then when you least expect it, she will pull it out of the blue and make you suffer for it. So, to the people who think the sidewalk is their trash can, when you aren't looking, Karma will be paying you a visit.

MTA go away, come back another day

Screen capture of my twitter feed

It's sometimes amazing to read my Twitter feed. A lot of people complain about the MTA. Sure, the MTA is terrible, they have a rising deficit, service is becoming worse and worse as the days roll by, but you yourself make the personal choice to utilize this aging transportation system.

One of the most common complaints about the MTA, besides fare increases, seems to be lateness getting to work. Everyone is late to work. How many times to do you have to ride the subway before you realize that it's a terrible experience? The worst part is, the MTA has you gripped by the balls, squeezing them for every last penny. MTA can increase the fares and give you a terrible performance and people are still going to pack the subways' heading to work, like cows' being lead to slaughter.

Spring is lurking around the corner, I know this, because Staten Island ChucK did not see his shadow this year. And so, perhaps if you are tired of the MTA's antics, then maybe it's time you look into another means of getting about. I myself ride a bicycle to work, or I walk to most places. Once you have the bike and the means to lock it up, that's it, it's yours. You don't have to pay money, it's healthier, and you'll have more money for you to waste on PBR, or what ever watered down attempt at a beer you drink. Besides, you won't be smashed up against some creepy guy with bad breath looking over your shoulder while you're playing around with your iphone.

With all of the new bikes lanes springing up, the city is much safer to ride around. Why not get out of the cattle car and into the streets with a bike and liberate yourself from the grasp of the MTA. Save the train for a rainy day.

Huff and Puff and inhale some Dust OFF

Not the actual can used.

Yesterday, as I waited for the L train at the Bedford stop, I noticed no trains were entering or leaving the station. What is going on here?

Eventually, a train did arrive, but failed to find it's way out of the station. Out of no where walks this couple just staggering along followed by two officers of the law, giggling (the couple, not johnny law) as they were were being escorted towards the Drigg's entrance to this Hipster infested station.

Perplexed about what was going on, and watching the events before my eyes unfold, I noticed in one of the officers hands, a can of Dust Off or the equivalent of Dust Off. Busted, silly kids.

This scene laid out before me made me chuckle. Realizing at this point, these two kids were huffing air in a can on the L train, as well as delaying all of the trains. Anyways, the police simply kicked them out of the station and threw the can of air in the garbage and things were normal once again. I have never seen this situation before.

I found this all to be very amusing, but kids do this stuff at home, or in your friend's basement or maybe even in some wooded area, but not on the L train when I'm trying to get my girlfriend's dog back to her.

Valentine's Day

Matsuri's sushi counter and main dining area.

As everyone knows, Valentine's Day was yesterday, and so I took my girlfriend to Matsuri for a memorable Valentine's dinner. Matsuri, is an exquisite Japanese restaurant in the Maritime Hotel, located in Chelsea. This place, not only has excellent food, but they boast an extensive sake list that would please anyone who likes to partake in fine japanese spirits.

I'm actually not going to go into detail about our evening, because it's between me and her, but I did surprise her with a nice bracelet from Henri Bendel. You can't go wrong by giving a woman a nice piece of jewelry.

All in all, we shared some very delicious food in a truly remarkable atmosphere and enjoyed our evening together.

First Post.

So, here we go. I have been contemplating for a at least a year about writing a blog. Mostly, I wanted to write a blog because I forget, as well as, occasionally getting the time line of events in my life out of order. I figured this would be a nice way to document everything and keep things in order and share it with anyone who may be remotely interested. Why not? Everyone seems to be doing this these days, and why not me as well.

I hope, everyone doesn't worry about my punctuation because I don't. Please, enjoy.