Winner winner Sheen dinner

Everything has its moment when they are considered to be at the top of the game, the pinnacle if you will, where everyone looks at you in awe while you do no wrong. Then, faster than locking a hooker in a hotel closet there comes a moment, like when the Fonz jumps the shark in his leather jacket (I'm sure the salt water can't be good for his jacket) throwing everything you worked for into a downward spiral towards ending your shows run. It only took a week before warlock Charlie Sheen jumped the shark, but not before he made me wish he was devoured by Jabber Jaw instead of simply leaping over him.

The "winning" around Sheen is melting faster than one of those little green army men under a magnifying glass on a hot summer day. "Winning" sounds more like "losing" when you're fired from a job which paid 2 million an episode, you were the highest paid actor on television until you were fired. If I had the job you lost, but hated it, still I would go through the motions, perhaps even tossing the camera man a reach around once in awhile for 2 mil an episode.

Sheen should go take a warm bath and let the tiger blood flow out of your cut veins (I'm kidding). He may compare himself to a tiger, saying tiger blood flows through his veins, but I have heard of no tigers snorting coke off the ass of a porn star (I may have made that last part up). Tigers have it hard enough having to face extinction through poaching, that if I were a tiger I would seriously be annoyed and want to eat his face off. Seriously, you don't hear tigers running around saying they have Sheen's blood coursing through their veins.

Milk may be white, like the inner walls of Sheen's nose but at least milk has a longer shelf life than Charlie's career at this moment. The greatest thing about Sheen, he's already prepared for his next career path which he trained for when he acted (exaggeration) alongside his brother Emilio in Men at Work. Perhaps when he begins his new job as a custodial engineer, he can pick the career he kicked to curb up and throw it away.

I have to admit though, he is one crafty warlock. Not only did he reach the 1 million follower mark on Twitter (heh, myself included) faster than anyone else on Twitter, but he started a webcam show on ustream and is constantly keeping himself in the news with insane quotes. America thrives on stars publicly going nuts whether it's planned or not, and perhaps we should have our own heads checked for not worrying more about our own lives. Though I feel Sheen has over saturated himself in the news, he's definitely taking us on one interesting ride, but please drop me off at the next stop. Thanks.

I could honestly go on for days about this, though I've wasted enough of your life for this day. Well... at least he is a Yankees fan.

Facebook, crack of the internet

Friend Request

I bet when most of you wake up in the morning and not in any particular order, you go to the bathroom, scratch yourself and check Facebook. Perhaps, you do all three at the same time  and don't get me wrong, I'm right there with you, yawning while I'm checking my Newsfeed while trying not to spray on the floor.

I think Facebook addiction is right up there with crack, nicotine and maybe caffeine. It's not to the level of a Charlie Sheen addiction to coke and porn stars, and I'm hoping that it will not come to that or else I may need an intervention. Ironically, I hope my intervention is conducted by those in my friend list, particularly by the friends who have yet to post even once on my wall.

Friends list

Did you ever feel like you were an action figure in some child's toy collection? Well, if you did, it means you are in someone's friend list. It's almost as if you're an action figure that has been stuffed away neatly in a carrying case, the shape of Darth Vader's head. The more friends in your friends list, the easier it would to be to find your toy equivalent at Kmart. Some people have like 500 friends in their list, they can't possibly even know half of them on a personal level. We need the friends list though, because without it Facebook would prove to be pointless (which it kind of is), sort of like this blog (which definitely is pointless). If you look to image on the left, you are the person 3rd row down, 3rd from the right.

I'm sure throughout the day we all have posted something on our wall only to patiently sit and wait for someone to "like" it, or make some a comment on it. I almost feel the same way every time I post something to the blog you are currently reading. Don't fret social networker, I'm sure I'm going to "like" that post you made about the lunch that you didn't like. I realize that everyone, myself included, don't really have a lot to say, which is why everyone likes to post 80's song lyrics, wax philosophical, or letting us know they have picked lint out of their navel. Yes, I'm talking to you lint girl!

Don't take this exit

Who ever you are that created all the Facebook games, like Farmville, need to stop before you get cut with a dull blade. I'm seriously too busy being tagged in a photo I was hoping to never see again, to want to help anyone water their crops while helping that stray penguin that wandered onto the farm back to his melting ice cap. Actually, it's pretty amusing when your tagged in a photo and seeing how terrible you looked "back in the day", but I still hate the games. I block them all with an instant of seeing them pop into my newsfeed.

Have you poked? I don't mean at the end of the night when you're too drunk and simply grab the closest beast to you and drag them home, waking up the next morning enveloped in regret. Awww, I just threw up in my mouth picturing you doing that. Well, I'm not talking about that poke, I'm talking about that annoying thing that happens to me from time to time on Facebook. I'm still trying to figure out what the purpose of poking is. Can someone explain?

Well well, we have reached the end of my post for today, I've scratched, I didn't make mess on the seat and I've checked my status. Don't get me wrong I totally enjoy Facebook, although it's a total dick move that they are trying to give your personal information away to 3rd parties, being able to reconnect rekindle friendships with people I haven't been in contact for many years is, truly awesome. Aww, I just got sentimental (then threw up in my mouth again thinking about how emo it was being sentimental).

This morning...

How many of you feel this way in the morning?

The best part of waking up unfortunately was not Folgers in my cup, but that I woke up an hour earlier than normal giving me time to lay in bed and think about the numerous ways I will loathe the day as sit in front of dual monitors. As I have mentioned in a previous post, many of my weekdays feel like the movie Groundhog Day. Today seemed to be no different, except for the fact that I woke up earlier than expected. At least it is Wednesday, the middle of the week, and though I had to cut a rent check this morning, I am that much closer to the weekend. May the repetition begin.

I tend to enjoy the moments in a dream where you suddenly realize you are about to be late for work. You then knowingly snap yourself out of the dream-like state that you are probably more happier to exist in. That nervous rush of fear knowing that time has slipped past the start of your normal morning routine as you ride into the danger zone (Tom Cruises career should have died in that movie, not goose), is enough make any person say "Awww, shit!".

One of the first things I do in the morning is roll over, eyes glazed, and stare at the television, which I never seem to turn off as I pass out watching Jimmy Fallon the night before (no cable, few choices). Why do I do this? I haven't a clue. I think it's just feels more comfortable sleeping with sound. I'm totally fine with this except for when it comes to my electric bill and waking up to the "Today Show".

I'll never this after all the coverage

As I stare at the television, I am immediately smacked with coverage of the upcoming royal jelly wedding. Hey, television, seriously? This is the best you can give in the morning? You give me coverage of some couple that will never rule over us, in a country that we defeated for our freedom many a year ago. By the way, that was probably the only real time we fought for our freedom, since then it's been more or less maintaining that "freedom" (notice the quotes), or invading for oil (or so I've been told). I would rather watch the whole Charlie Sheen fiasco, at least he is American. Plus, watching people meltdown in the public eye, thanks to the media, can be quite entertaining. But even Charlie's fiasco will reach a point where it just needs to eject itself from our eye sights.

You never need to sleep alone

Doesn't America have other things to worry about like how we are going to be pleasing our soon to be rat overlords? How about our upcoming summer infestation of bed bugs? At least single people can share in the comfort of not having to sleep alone as they will soon have tiny little bugs eating away at them while they sleep. Neither of these two creatures of the earth are going to be leaving us anytime soon. They both are true New Yorkers and have engrained themselves into the very fabric of our lives. Besides, our overlords and new sleeping companions, don't we have enough in our own lives to worry about than some famous people who don't know we exist and will never care about us on an individual basis? Who knows?

I've annoyed myself and squandered enough time staring at the boob tube. So finally, I roll out of bed and brush what is left of my teeth and think about the day ahead. (Oh, look at the time, I'm running late now). I toss on my clothes and strap into my non messaging messenger bag and head out the door with my trusty bicycle. Off again to the place I was loathing about in the first paragraph before I was distracted by the television I never turned off.