Shorts, Brah!!

This past Saturday, the temperature was rather awesome for a day in March. I walked around the Lower East Side in Manhattan soaking in all the people scurrying about like our rat overlords to consume brunch and nurse their hangovers via unlimited mimosa's or bloody marry's. As I walked, I turned a corner and low and beheld my first sighting of the year 2011, the white guy in shorts, a miraculous creature indeed.

flexing of the guns

Usually hibernating through the winter, this special creature will normally climb forth from it's "man cave" at the moment the temperature rises at least 1 degree above 45. They are heavily into homoerotic sports such as tackle ball, and enjoy flexing their "guns" while manscaping in front of their bathroom mirrors. Though owning a tough exterior, they are quite sensitive and will lash out and threaten anyone who encroaches on their beer pong table.

The marking of the white man in shorts are quite distinct: hooded sweatshirts, backwards facing sports cap and of course what makes the white guy in shorts the white guy in shorts: basketball shorts (or the occasional cargo shorts). The hooves of these animals are often adorned with slip on flip flops exposing their grizzled, gnarled toes for all to see. Although, during times of the mating hunt, they will trade in their hoodies for vertical striped shirts and their flip flops for pointy loafers. Of course off go the shorts only to wearing some trendy god awful trousers with too much embroidery on the back pockets.

Drinking of the beers, Brah!!

Quite often, white guys in shorts douche about in packs. The migration of these beasts normally involve a plastic cup with matching bracelet which they will use while migrating from bar to bar drinking some watered down weak ass excuse of a beer such as Budweiser (I'll drink Bud too if its the best thing available). While Grazing at pizza parlors (dollar slice anyone?) these animals enjoy stuffing their faces while harassing people passing who are simply trying to live their normal mundane lives.

Through out time white guys in shorts have developed their own form of communication (brah, chillax, yo yo). They communicate via grunting and sports statistics, while eagerly expressing their desire for their team to win, how much they've drank and especially their desire to procreate. Also when excited, they will scream about and give each other what is known as a "high five". They will chatter as if they are rappers, not realizing that real rappers are more than likely making fun of them while taking their money via record sales.

If you are curious and would like to learn more about the wonderful world of white people in shorts or white people in general, then check out the bible on all things about white people: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/ for further reading.